circa 1980s
My Cheap Lifestyle
After a bourbon
I came in turned on the tube
Lit a joint and watched Monterey Pop
Nearly wept when Janis came on
Janis's legs kicking on stage was a memorable sight
Janis does her sweet little Texas girl smile as
her act finishes. She kicks her heels
And Otis Redding is so sexy.
Millions of young Americans experience religion for the first time
In their lives
Or so the cameras would inform us
I'm concerned about manipulations in this media
How one gains such wonderful power
But of course I'm too tired
Thrilled by the process of bringing down a familiar blanket
Upon my bed
It's nearly fall
Nearly winter
I expect the stars will be bright
The woods full of bears.
S h h h
I don't think
I can afford the time to not sit right down &
write a poem about the heavy lidded
white rose I hold in my hand
I think of snow
a winter night in Boston, drunken waitress
stumble on a bus that careens through
Somerville the end of the line
where I was born, an old man
shaking me. He would've been my dad.
You need a ride? Wait, he said.
This flower is so heavy in my hand.
He drove me home in his old blue
Dodge, a thermos next to me,
cigarette packs on the dash
so quiet like Boston is quiet
Boston in the snow. It's New York
plates are clattering on St. Mark's
Place. Should I call you?
Can I go home now
& work with this undelivered
message in my fingertips
It's summer
I love you.
I'm surrounded by snow.
Harmonica
Don't want to put my glasses on
Cause I don't want to see
Don't want to move again
Because I don't want to
Live
Don't want to love again
Because I don't want
To lose
Don't want to eat again
Because I don't want
To be full
Don't want to drink
Again because I don't
Want to feel quenched
Don't want to sleep again
Because I don't want to
Wake up
Don't want to live in the summer
Again because I don't want
To be hot
Don't want you to kiss me again
Because I don't want to be alive
Don't want to see you again
Because I don't want to vanish
Don't want to ride my bike
Because I don't want to
Get there
Don't want to know my family
Anymore because I don't want
To remember me
Don't want to walk my dog
Because I don't want to be out
Don't want to stay in anymore
Because I don't want to be
Alone
Don't want to be tired anymore
Because I don't want to feel old
Don't want to eat candy anymore
Because I don't want to feel sweet
Don't want to talk to my friends anymore
Because I don't want them to know me
Don't want to sing anymore
Because I don't want to hear me.
Don't want to die anymore
Because I don't want to see god.
Don't want to live anymore
Because I don't want to repeat
E I L E E N M Y L E S
_______________________
I Must Be Living Twice
new and selected poems
Ecco Press 2015
